Some people—not many, but some—think me a smart man. Medical school, graduate school, whatever—must be smart. I have a secret for you: not so, my friends. (If anything, I should probably be considered dumb simply on account of having spent so much time in school. Who does that?)

And so now that we have established my inferior being, it is with great pride that I hereby announce my first-ever of an entire crossword puzzle, sans assistance, just a few moments ago. I held a little ceremony in my head, followed by the ridiculous feeling that comes after holding a ceremony in one’s head for a completely insignificant event. But, I do feel a little smarter.

I’m coming for you, Shortz.