Got two calls today from Citibank— the people who send me paper mail to notify me of my status as an enrollee in their all-electronic program—asking me whether I’d like to pay off my balance now, over the phone.

Me: “Umm…I’m not quite sure why you’re asking. I typically pay online after I’ve received the bill, and I haven’t received the bill yet. Do you know when the billing cycle ends?” Them: [Pause. More pausing. Some fiddling.] “Sir, I……..I don’t know. I know we sent an email out to you on June fif—that would be…today I guess. Haven’t you received it yet?” Me: “No.” Them: “Okay, well would you like to pay your balance then?” Me: “No thank you. I’ll just pay it online the moment I get the bill like I’ve done for the last three years now.” Them: “It’s only $61.62…” Me: “No, again, I’m going to pay it online once I receive the bill, and that isn’t even close to the full amount on the card.” Them: “Right, it looks like you’re showing a total balance of……..” [Pause. More pausing. Some more fiddling.] Me: “…$482.62.” Them: [Shuffling papers. Possible removal of the earpiece and side conversation with coworker.] “$482.62? Yes, of course, $482.62. So would you like to pay the $61.62 now then over the phone?” Me: “Is it due today or something? Why are you calling me??” Them: “No sir, it’s due June 24th.” Me: “Okay then, I will pay it when I receive the bill.” Them: “No problem, sir. I will note that in your account. Would you also like to sign up for our no-interest-for-six-months, cash-back—”

Click. Insanity.